I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need a beard to bite.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
