Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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