That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
