on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
