so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
