she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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