FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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