Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
