Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
