He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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