if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
