Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
