you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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