the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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