Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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