apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
