we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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