I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
