Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize