As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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