i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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