i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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