I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
false alarm, still single
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