i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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