I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
