Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
