Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
