Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you win again, gameday.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
