yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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