My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
