i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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