Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
