My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
