I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize