Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
