You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
