Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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