I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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