So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
