Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
