I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
