Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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