What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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