cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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