I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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