Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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