i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
