Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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