Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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