i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
