I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
