If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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