Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
