This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
