Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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