Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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