Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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