I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
