There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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