Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
