whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
