Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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