I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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